


Kalamazoo Muskrats

by Lbilover



Series: The Pool Boy Series [2]
Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Humor, M/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 05:51:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9643361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lbilover/pseuds/Lbilover
Summary: Dom is suspicious of Elijah's Pool Boy.





	

_D- I’m off to the Kalahari with my Pool Boy to study meerkats. Thank you for noticing my pool needed cleaning. You’re a god._

_Give my love to Bills._

_Love, E._

_P.S. Boy, does he ever fill out a thong nicely._

“We can’t let him do this, Bills,” said Dom, staring down in horror at his mobile’s display. 

“What’s a meerkat?” Billy asked, peering over his shoulder. “And where’s the Kalahari?”

“Fuck if I know. They’re probably both imaginary, and Elijah is about to run off with some lunatic who will chop his body into tiny pieces and store it in his basement freezer. You can’t trust a pool boy. Everyone knows that.”

“Jesus, Dom. Then why did you try to set Elijah up with Eduardo?”

“For hot pool sex! Not a trip to Kalamazoo to study muskrats.”

“Kalahari and meerkats.”

“Whatever. They only exist in Pool Boy’s mind.” Dom snapped the mobile shut, and took Billy by the arm. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“To Elijah’s house. We’ve got to stop him, Bills. After all, I’m the one who encouraged him to get his pool cleaned. If anything happens to him, it’ll be my fault.” He added grimly, “I only hope we’re in time.”

They were in time, but barely. They pulled up in the circular driveway to find a black airport limousine parked with its engine idling and the boot open. Elijah was standing on the stoop with his messenger bag slung over his shoulder, while another man carried an enormous tan suitcase through the open door. He was of medium height and compact build with neatly combed chestnut hair, and was wearing chinos, a light blue button-down with the sleeves rolled up, and incongruous white trainers with emerald green stripes, laces and soles.

“That must be him,” Dom hissed. “Pool Boy Sean. Get a load of those trainers. Those are definitely the trainers of a serial killer.”

“I dunno, Dom,” Billy said doubtfully. “Sean looks pretty harmless to me.”

“They’re the most dangerous types—the harmless ones.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Oh hush. Let’s go.”

“Oh hey, Dom. Hey, Bills.” Elijah greeted them effusively, his face lighting up. “You came to see us off, huh? That’s great! I’ve been dying for you to meet Sean.” His face lit up even brighter. “Sean, these are my friends Dom and Billy. Billy, Dom, this is Sean Astin, my boyfriend.” The wattage increased as he spoke the last two words, like a three-way bulb at full strength.

“How do you do?” Pool Boy Sean set down the suitcase and held out his hand to Dom. “Elijah’s told me so much about you two, but I didn’t expect to meet you before we left for South Africa.”

 _I’ll bet you didn’t,_ Dom thought. He intended to tell this fraud that he was on to him, and that no fucking way was he letting Elijah leave for _anywhere_ with a guy that would wear white trainers with emerald green stripes, laces and soles, but instead he discovered himself shaking hands with Pool Boy. Sean’s grip was firm and no-nonsense, and the eyes that looked straightforwardly into Dom’s were a clear hazel, without a trace of deranged serial killer to be detected.

“South Africa?” Billy repeated, shaking hands with Sean in his turn.

“The Kalahari Desert,” Elijah put in. “I texted you about it. We’re going to study meerkats. Well, Sean is going to study them. He’s the expert; I’m still a novice. But I’m learning.” He lifted the flap of his messenger bag and dug around. “Look, Sean gave me this to read on the plane.” He pulled out a book and held it up: _Wisdom of Meerkats_ it said on the cover and there was a photo of two vaguely ferret-like animals standing on their hind legs. The one meerkat had its paw on the head of the other. “Aren’t they cute?”

“Very,” Billy said, taking the book from Elijah. “You know some people,” he shot a quick glance at Dom, “seem to think they’re imaginary.”

Elijah giggled. “Imaginary? Fuck no.”

“I’m especially glad to have this chance to talk to you, Dom,” Sean said while Elijah and Billy, heads together, leafed through the meerkat book. “I admit I was pretty pissed at you over the Eduardo thing, but all’s well that ends well, right? And if you hadn’t called the Friendly Pool Company in the first place, Elijah and I would never have met. So really, I owe you one big time.” A warm, sincere smile crinkled the corners of his eyes. “I don’t know how I can ever thank you.”

“Oh, well,” Dom began modestly, but that was as far as he got, because Sean launched into a panegyric on Elijah’s many perfections, followed it with a disclaimer detailing the reasons he was totally unworthy of Elijah and his many perfections, and ended with a rhapsody about how he was, hands down, the luckiest bastard on the face of the earth to be not only fulfilling his long-cherished dream of studying meerkats in the Kalahari, but bringing the love of his life with him. Meanwhile overheard bits of Elijah and Billy’s conversation punctuated Sean’s speech, such as “totally brilliant”, “PhD candidate at UCLA”, “Kalahari Meerkat Project”, “one of only twenty doctorate students chosen”, “incredible sex”, “halo”, “thong”, and “best thing that ever happened to me, Bills”.

The limo driver, having put Elijah’s suitcase in the boot, slammed the lid loudly shut and ostentatiously consulted his watch. 

“Elijah,” Sean said, taking the hint, “we better get going. We don’t want to be late for our flight.”

“Fuck no!” Elijah agreed, shoving the meerkat book back into his messenger bag. 

Emotional hugs and handshakes were exchanged, and Elijah exacted a promise from Dom and Billy that they would come for a visit in the not-too-distant future. Then he and Sean jumped into the back seat of the limo and it pulled smoothly away. As it dwindled down the drive, Dom could see Elijah’s arm frantically waving farewell.

“Sean seems like a real nice guy,” Dom remarked as he and Billy strolled back to his car. “And to think, it was all because of me that they met. I’m a fucking matchmaker, mate!”

Billy snorted.

“I am. You can see how crazy he is about Elijah.”

“Chopped into bits and stored in his basement freezer?” Billy asked with a sardonic lift of one eyebrow. 

“That was just a joke,” Dom offered feebly, his cheeks heating up.

“Uh-huh.”

Mercifully, Billy let the topic drop, but the next day, wearing a deadpan expression, he presented Dom with a shoebox. Inside was a pair of white trainers with emerald green stripes, laces and soles.

“To wear on our trip to Kalamazoo to study muskrats,” he said.

~end~


End file.
